Dog eat dog

Caption: A vicious 6-month-old Puggle puppy, known as Tony the Corkscrew, attacks an innocent victim in Columbia, Mo. on Dec. 27, 2007.




Tony is our fourth foster, a pug/beagle mix (aka the "designer breed" puggle). We grabbed him right before Christmas because the shelter was getting overwhelmed.






A man of taste, in addition to eating American Pit Bull Terriers, Tony also likes to sample the occasional blanket.

Heidi update

Columbia Second Chance was able to take in Heidi and get her taken care of. They think it isn't cancer, but a salivary gland infection. Apparently it's healing up quite well and she's now listed on their Web site as adoptable.

Hooray!

Gracie Ann

Hmmm, this is quickly becoming my foster dog log...

Here's Gracie Ann. Our third foster dog, she's been with us the longest because of a series of health problems beginning with kennel cough.

If you look at the full size version of the picture above, you'll also see that her one eye is a little red. It became very eventually. Now she has to wear an Elizabethan Collar, or e-collar (so named because, like Al Bundy, Elizabethan-era Brits were prone to scratching themselves and, thus, needed to wear these crazy collars).

Also, she keeps breaking it, so now it's pieced together with duct tape. It's pretty hilarious looking in a pitiful sort of way.

Like Fruit Rollups, it comes by the foot!

Meet Heidi, foster number 2:



Heidi likes to eat something a little different. It's white and comes in long rolls. She finds it spooled up in the bathroom and just starts nibbling.

A doberman/hound mix, Heidi came to us with a bad case of kennel cough as well as a nasty dog-like flu which the Shelter referred to as "snot nose." She was really sluggish and didn't like to move around too much. It was pitiful.

Now, however, she won't stop moving. She wants to wrestle with anyone 24 hours a day with maybe a short break to eat.

In the time she's been with us, she's also gotten to about 90% housebroken too. Most likely this is building on the work of some other loving foster families, but she has been progressing really quickly. She's really an adorable, happy, little bug-eyed cutie.

She keeps playing despite 3 worrisome growths we've discovered on her neck. The vet is not sure what they are, could be anything from an odd infection to cancer. The shelter is not set up to do a biopsy, which is what she really needs. They're contacting other animal rescues to see if anyone else would be able to help out.

Keep your fingers crossed. With so many dogs needing homes and so few resources to help, it is really hard to point to one dog and say "that one deserves some extra attention." But when she's lived in your home for a week - a crazy, hectic week at that - it's so hard to hear that she may be too sick to place.

Wish her luck!

A home for Pepper Blossom

Pepper has already been adopted! We'll get another foster dog later today - some sort of Doberman mix.

Foster Dog!

This dog needs a permanent home!

A few weeks ago we sent in an application to become dog foster parents for the Central Missouri Humane Society. A short training session later, and our first foster dog arrived yesterday, Pepper Blossom.

CMHS is smart. They start you off with the easy dogs.

Pepper (or Peps, or Peppy, or Pepsid AC, or The Peppinator) is just getting over a case of kennel cough. She is incredibly sweet and likes to stretch out across your lap on the couch or in the bed.

Even more importantly, all of the dogs and Hank have been receptive of Pepper. We were a little worried they wouldn't be happy with intruders, but they've been excellent.

Pepper is active, happy and thoroughly enjoys wrestling with Buddy (which is a godsend for Bailey who, frankly, is getting sick of babysitting the little punk). And she is currently trying to eat a cardboard box...

...ok... I've stopped her.

Congratulations, Pepper! You've rightfully earned a place on Stuff My Dog Ate.

Behold the cardboard box:

Bandito!

Now that we have a backyard we thought it would be swell to have a bird feeder. The intent was to attract some nice flying friends... the right kind of critters.

The actual effect is less than desirable.

Our backyard is now overrun with these varmints. At one point, there were three of them eating bird seed at once - two on the ground and one knocking sunflower seeds to his buddies between bites.



All three dogs go apeshit any time they spot one of these buggers.

Houseplants: The other white meat.

A Room of Hank's Own

"But, you may say, we asked you to speak about kittens and two-steps -- what has that got to do with a room of Hank's own?

...All I could do was to offer you an opinion upon one minor point -- a kitten must have catnip and a room of its own if it is to two-step; and that, as you will see, leaves the great problem of the true nature of kittens and the true nature of two-steps unsolved."

Gold Bond: Now not just for old folks!

Gold Bond's "triple action relief" is now no longer just for old people. It also helps Bailey -- the lab/golden mix who seems to be allergic to everything including herself -- get some much-needed temporary relief from itching. A little powder on the ears and toes goes a long way, though she does leave a trail of powdery white footprints in the kitchen nowadays.

As an added bonus, Bailey now smells vaguely like a convalescent home crossed with menthol cigarettes, which, for a dog, can be a good thing.

"Help! My dog ate __________ " or "How to make Snuggles hurl chunks"

Okay, so I'm a big nerd. I look at Web statistics nearly every day to see where both of my visitors came from the day before. I do this even if I'm too lazy to post something.

Nerdery aside, it seems lots of you find the blog searching Google for variations on a single theme: "dog ate __________." ("Dog ate sock" is the most popular, despite none of my dogs actually consuming a sock... though they do like to haul them out of the dirty laundry and carry them around.) So I thought maybe you would like some actual useful information.

First, a disclaimer: If your dog swallowed something you think may be dangerous, call the vet or the ASPCA's Animal Poison Control Center - 1-888-426-4435. (There may be a fee.) I am not an expert, just a guy with dogs that eat a lot of crap they shouldn't.

There are basically three kinds of harmful things a dog can swallow:

1) Stabby things - like paperclips and chicken bones
2) Poo stoppers - like socks, pantyhose and bears
3) Poisons - like chocolate and antifreeze

The most important step is prevention. Just don't keep stabby things and poisons (including chocolate, nuts and leftover hotwings) laying where your dogs can reach them.

Okay... so obviously sometimes dogs get into things they shouldn't despite our best efforts, as demonstrated by the time Bailey reached into the kitchen sink and ate an entire pound of ground beef. And, as demonstrated by this blog, poo stoppers are everywhere. Even toys intended for dog usage can quickly turn into stomach fodder.

What then?

In most cases, you should induce vomiting. However, don't do this if:
1) They swallowed something sharp
2) They swallowed something caustic such as Drano or cleaning products
3) They are having seizures or convulsions
4) They swallowed a petroleum product
5) It's been more than two hours since they swallowed it

In the above cases, contact your vet immediately!

How do I induce vomiting?

Find a bottle of hydrogen peroxide - that stuff you put on cuts that gets all bubbly - and a teaspoon. Hold the dog's mouth open and dump two teaspoons in. The dog will probably gag or otherwise try to spew it on you, but make sure most of it goes down.

Now, wait ten minutes. If they haven't barfed yet, you might need more (Buddy has been known to need several tablespoons-worth before). You can give them one to three teaspoons more every ten minutes. Repeat up to three times.

If that doesn't do the trick, call your vet.

Some things your dog shouldn't eat that you might not know about:
Chocolate
Grapes/raisins
Pennies (The zinc coating is toxic)
Macademia nuts
Beer/Hops (doesn't hurt all dogs, but small amounts can be toxic to others, especially Greyhounds)
Onions (also garlic, though onions are worse)

Of Bears and Barf

Decapitation (from Latin, caput, capitis, meaning head), or beheading, is the removal of a stuffed bear's head. Beheading typically refers to the act of intentional decapitation; it may be accomplished, for example, with an axe, sword, guillotine or terrier.

In some instances, technically speaking the body is actually removed, merely leaving the head as in this example.




In the event of a bear-decapitation-by-terrier, first, look for other bear remains. If the limbs and torso are missing, the recommended course of action is to induce vomiting to prevent a bear-bowel-blockage.

Force feed the terrier several teaspoons of hydrogen peroxide and wait up to 20 minutes.



Mmmm... yummy. As a result, Buddy's not feeling particularly lively this evening.

She's not fat, she's my Bailey

Went to vet today.
Weighed Bailey.
She's lost over 10 lbs!

The secret:

• Diet
  
• Excercise (In the form of a younger dog - Buddy - who is enamored with her and won't leave her alone)
  
• Thyrotabs

It's a much healthier weight for the old girl.

Broken Nails

The other day, Hank lost a nail.

Two of them actually.

We found them embedded in Buddy's face.

This is Hank's second assault on Buddy, the first resulting in a wicked cut along Bud's neck.

10 lbs. of cat.

60 lbs. of pit bull.

But Buddy didn't seem to mind. Even with two claws hanging out of his face, he was play-bowing to the cat, looking a little bit meek. More than anything, Hank had hurt his feelings. The poor delusional dog just wants to be friends.

Happy Memorial Day!

A day late... or so...
(At least Memorial Day used to be May 30.)

For your viewing pleasure, here're Buddy and Bailey hogging the backseat of the car on a trip to WashMo. Xena, meanwhile, is sleeping curled on the floorboards, pouting between bouts of nose-nudging my elbow while I drive, trying to find a way to ride shotgun on Amanda's lap.

Xena's Lockdown Blues

Stuck in this kennel
The kennel so low
Hang your head low dear
Hear the dogs moan
Hear the dogs moan, dear
Hear the dogs moan.
Down in the kennel,
Hear the dogs moan.

Send me some Milkbones
Send them by mail
Address 'em all over
to Xena in Jail (x3)
Address 'em all over
to Xena in Jail


Played to the tune of Birmingham Jail
Chords:
D7 = XX0212
G = 320003


Xena hurt her back. Could be a sprain or it could be the pooch equivalent to a slipped disk. Either way, she's not allowed to move much for four weeks so she's been incarcerated for the first time since she was a puppy.

In the meantime, I keep hearing her mutter under her breath about "when i get oughta this hole i'm gonna..." then she trails off into incomprehensible growling and snorting.

For the most part, she ignores her overly-excited, cobalt cell mate.

Disguise

Amanda, when did we get a Shar Pei?

Pedicure

Well, hi there Buddy. Why the long face? What's that? Is there something on your nail? Is it ketchup? Is it blood? Is it... Oh christ... it's nail polish! Did she try to give you a pedicure?



First the gonads, now this... it's a hard knock life.

ExecuCat

Yes, indeed. Cats are evil geniuses hellbent on world domination. Hank is no exception. Today, my computer chair. Tomorrow, hair ball. Thursday, the world. (Friday, Starbucks.)

Laid to Rest

From the box it came in:

"MEMORY FOAM
TermoPedic Temperature Smart Pet Bed
2 Inch Memory Foam
Temperature Smart
Relieves Pressure
- Adjusts to body heat and weight
- Ideal for dogs with arthritis & hip dysplasia [BOTH? Poor dog!]
- Machine washable zipper cover

Try it!
You've got to feel it to believe it!

Hypoallergenic"






I think the Memory Foam forgot.

Overambitious

o·ver·am·bi·tious
adj.
Volunteering to wash not one, but two extra-large trash bags of dirty, poopy laundry for the Humane Society.

Three catnip mice...

Three catnip mice.
Three catnip mice.
See all their entrails.
See all their entrails.
They were intended for Hank the Cat,
Xena sliced them open like Mortal Combat.
Did you ever see a dog as vicious as that?
Three catnip mice.

Bon Appétit

Mailbox Pleasantries

Happiness!



(Regarding Pet Photography.)

Declaration of Indigestion

When in the Course of chewing events it becomes necessary for one Dog to shred anything it can wrap its jaws around to tiny little rubbery pieces, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind is generally ignored.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that teeth of bone crushing strength are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Chew Toys and the destruction of said Chew Toys. -- That to secure these Rights, one Dog might carry around the same Toy for days, -- That whenever said ancient toy disintegrates between one Dog's massive jaws, ingestion of several chunks of said chew toy is unavoidable.



"The Cheeks" are gone. Toy of Buddy, toy of Xena, toy of Bailey, toy of Bartholomew.

Battle Royale

SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY! In the cagematch you'll never forget... hailing from Columbia, Missouri... XENA the SPEAGLE. Watch her face off with the vicious rookie, Maddie MAD DOG! Witness a battle royale the likes of which will never be see again! And following the show, MONSTER TRUCKS! Tickets unavailable through your Ticketmaster outlet.

(And you thought American Pit Bull Terriers were tough mutts.)

Sock update

Yep. Bailey has a lick granuloma. Only "cure" is to keep her from chewing/licking herself. We've changed the formula slightly. Now we use:
-gauze tape
-athletic tape
-large tube sock
-more athletic tape

Plus we're giving her benedryl from time to time.

Vet expects it will take up a few months until it's totally healed. She suggested those crazy collars, but with our house, that would never work. It would interfere with Bailey ignoring the tennis ball when I throw it.

Kong Squeakers

Kong Squeakers
These are ingenius; they're tennis balls that squeak. Ideal for the attention deficit puppy.

Tip: Pack them away when not in use. Buddy demonstrates the alternative above.

Sock It To Me Bailey

We have a special needs dog. Bailey is a retriever/retreiver mongrel. She has allergies. She's chubby. She also seems to suffer from some sort of attachment disorder.

And now she has a licking addiction.



She licks at her paws. A sore forms. She licks at the sore. It gets worse. It's a vicious cycle. She goes to the vet Friday to find out for sure, but through the diagnostic power of the Internet, I'm betting on acral lick granuloma.

In the meantime, we've devised a nice scheme to keep her from attacking herself comprised of:
-one pad gauze
-ten feet of medical tape
-one tube sock
-two feet packing tape



Ain't she p'rdy in her nice white sock?

Nylabone (1997-2007)

Dear Green Nylabone,

I really want you to know that I enjoyed our time together. You swept me off my feet with your rugged charm and strength. Then, as we got to know each other, I was delighted to find how long you could last.

I guess we both know the beginning of the end. I never should have let you sit under the couch for so long. Then, when you came out, you were so dirty. The dishwasher seemed like a good idea. I'm sorry, I really am. Nothing really seemed different when you came out. You seemed refreshed, like a long day at the spa had done you good.

You were an old bone, though. Even if I couldn't see it, the heat had left you... shall we say... flaccid. And now you can't perform. We tried. It didn't end well. And now you're half the chew you used to be.

What I'm trying to say, Green Nylabone, is that we can't see each other anymore. I'm afraid that one of us will just get hurt, choking on the bitter plastic remains of our love. Goodbye,Green Nylabone. I'll never forget you.

Love Forever,
the Dogs


Product Info
This was a medium-sized, non-edible Nylabone which lasted several years, through a Corgi and Xena (beagle/spaniel). Bailey never was very interested in it. It was destroyed one day while nobody was watching after being weakened by the dishwasher, probably by Buddy (pit bull).

In Memoriam

Eater, Purple People
(2005-2007)

Purple People Eater, 2, of Columbia, formerly of Sedalia, died Sunday, Jan. 28, 2007, victim of a vicious animal attack.

Mr. Eater was squeaky, soft and purple. He was notably durable, outlasting most other squeakers of his generation even after the tragic loss of his squeak. He was a good friend of Xena dog, with whom he was often seen on the couch with his cotton entrails strewn about.

Mr. Eater was horribly mauled during an altercation with a pit bull, Buddy. Portions of his body have not been recovered, many of which are still embedded in the carpet. He will be remembered for his obnoxious squeak, penchant for bright colors and time he spent with Xena during her surgery.

He is survived by the squeaky duck, three Kong balls, and a tug-of-war toy, all of Columbia.

Preceding him in death are three bones, countless rawhides and one tennis ball.

Services were held Sunday in the living room. His body is interred in the kitchen trash. Memorials are suggested to the Squeaker Replacement Fund.