In Memoriam

Eater, Purple People
(2005-2007)

Purple People Eater, 2, of Columbia, formerly of Sedalia, died Sunday, Jan. 28, 2007, victim of a vicious animal attack.

Mr. Eater was squeaky, soft and purple. He was notably durable, outlasting most other squeakers of his generation even after the tragic loss of his squeak. He was a good friend of Xena dog, with whom he was often seen on the couch with his cotton entrails strewn about.

Mr. Eater was horribly mauled during an altercation with a pit bull, Buddy. Portions of his body have not been recovered, many of which are still embedded in the carpet. He will be remembered for his obnoxious squeak, penchant for bright colors and time he spent with Xena during her surgery.

He is survived by the squeaky duck, three Kong balls, and a tug-of-war toy, all of Columbia.

Preceding him in death are three bones, countless rawhides and one tennis ball.

Services were held Sunday in the living room. His body is interred in the kitchen trash. Memorials are suggested to the Squeaker Replacement Fund.