Fetch!

"Help! My dog ate __________ " or "How to make Snuggles hurl chunks"

Okay, so I'm a big nerd. I look at Web statistics nearly every day to see where both of my visitors came from the day before. I do this even if I'm too lazy to post something.

Nerdery aside, it seems lots of you find the blog searching Google for variations on a single theme: "dog ate __________." ("Dog ate sock" is the most popular, despite none of my dogs actually consuming a sock... though they do like to haul them out of the dirty laundry and carry them around.) So I thought maybe you would like some actual useful information.

First, a disclaimer: If your dog swallowed something you think may be dangerous, call the vet or the ASPCA's Animal Poison Control Center - 1-888-426-4435. (There may be a fee.) I am not an expert, just a guy with dogs that eat a lot of crap they shouldn't.

There are basically three kinds of harmful things a dog can swallow:

1) Stabby things - like paperclips and chicken bones
2) Poo stoppers - like socks, pantyhose and bears
3) Poisons - like chocolate and antifreeze

The most important step is prevention. Just don't keep stabby things and poisons (including chocolate, nuts and leftover hotwings) laying where your dogs can reach them.

Okay... so obviously sometimes dogs get into things they shouldn't despite our best efforts, as demonstrated by the time Bailey reached into the kitchen sink and ate an entire pound of ground beef. And, as demonstrated by this blog, poo stoppers are everywhere. Even toys intended for dog usage can quickly turn into stomach fodder.

What then?

In most cases, you should induce vomiting. However, don't do this if:
1) They swallowed something sharp
2) They swallowed something caustic such as Drano or cleaning products
3) They are having seizures or convulsions
4) They swallowed a petroleum product
5) It's been more than two hours since they swallowed it

In the above cases, contact your vet immediately!

How do I induce vomiting?

Find a bottle of hydrogen peroxide - that stuff you put on cuts that gets all bubbly - and a teaspoon. Hold the dog's mouth open and dump two teaspoons in. The dog will probably gag or otherwise try to spew it on you, but make sure most of it goes down.

Now, wait ten minutes. If they haven't barfed yet, you might need more (Buddy has been known to need several tablespoons-worth before). You can give them one to three teaspoons more every ten minutes. Repeat up to three times.

If that doesn't do the trick, call your vet.

Some things your dog shouldn't eat that you might not know about:
Chocolate
Grapes/raisins
Pennies (The zinc coating is toxic)
Macademia nuts
Beer/Hops (doesn't hurt all dogs, but small amounts can be toxic to others, especially Greyhounds)
Onions (also garlic, though onions are worse)

Of Bears and Barf

Decapitation (from Latin, caput, capitis, meaning head), or beheading, is the removal of a stuffed bear's head. Beheading typically refers to the act of intentional decapitation; it may be accomplished, for example, with an axe, sword, guillotine or terrier.

In some instances, technically speaking the body is actually removed, merely leaving the head as in this example.




In the event of a bear-decapitation-by-terrier, first, look for other bear remains. If the limbs and torso are missing, the recommended course of action is to induce vomiting to prevent a bear-bowel-blockage.

Force feed the terrier several teaspoons of hydrogen peroxide and wait up to 20 minutes.



Mmmm... yummy. As a result, Buddy's not feeling particularly lively this evening.

Three catnip mice...

Three catnip mice.
Three catnip mice.
See all their entrails.
See all their entrails.
They were intended for Hank the Cat,
Xena sliced them open like Mortal Combat.
Did you ever see a dog as vicious as that?
Three catnip mice.

Bon Appétit

In Memoriam

Eater, Purple People
(2005-2007)

Purple People Eater, 2, of Columbia, formerly of Sedalia, died Sunday, Jan. 28, 2007, victim of a vicious animal attack.

Mr. Eater was squeaky, soft and purple. He was notably durable, outlasting most other squeakers of his generation even after the tragic loss of his squeak. He was a good friend of Xena dog, with whom he was often seen on the couch with his cotton entrails strewn about.

Mr. Eater was horribly mauled during an altercation with a pit bull, Buddy. Portions of his body have not been recovered, many of which are still embedded in the carpet. He will be remembered for his obnoxious squeak, penchant for bright colors and time he spent with Xena during her surgery.

He is survived by the squeaky duck, three Kong balls, and a tug-of-war toy, all of Columbia.

Preceding him in death are three bones, countless rawhides and one tennis ball.

Services were held Sunday in the living room. His body is interred in the kitchen trash. Memorials are suggested to the Squeaker Replacement Fund.